Day +2,557 — Thriving

It was 7 years ago today that I received my bone marrow transplant.

I didn’t know it back then but what I was going through would change my life in unspeakable ways. 

It not only gave me a clean bill of health but it’s also given me a perspective on life and living that I can confidently say that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.

It’s allowed me to appreciate the beauty of life and the sheer joy of simply being alive. 

I know that every day is not a given and it’s an absolute gift to wake up and have another day to live. 

It’s made me appreciate what our bodies are capable of. How it can heal. How it can move. How it breathes. How it keeps us safe. And how it changes. 

It’s allowed me to connect with other people like me in ways that I never could have imagined (so much love goes out to all my GATA2 family).

Every year on this anniversary, I look through photos from my time in the hospital and from my recovery and I’m always taken aback by what I see and today is no different. 

I was frail. 

And tired. 

And sick.

I didn’t realize how sick I was back then and only realized the magnitude of it years later when I started to feel “better”. And better. And then one day, I realized I felt the best I had in my adult life. And this is still true today. I think it’s incredible to be 36-years old and be able to say this.

The transplant and everything surrounding it isn’t something I talk about much these days. Not because I don’t want to (I love telling my story) but because it feels like another lifetime ago. Sometimes there are microscopic moments where I forget what I went through because looking back, I’ve come so incredibly far. The girl I see in the photos from back then isn’t me. I mean, she’s obviously me but what I went through then is so far from where I am now. It’s a constant reminder that we evolve and that change is a good thing.

Before the transplant, I remember my doctors telling me it would take a year for my energy to come back and I optimistically (i.e. erroneously) assumed I’d be back to my “normal” within a few months. I was very. Very. Wrong.

Prior to the transplant I did a lot of yoga and running and was eager to get back into exercising. Several months after the transplant I thought I was ready and went to a yoga class to ease myself back into things and couldn’t even hold a downward dog. The most basic of yoga movements and I couldn’t even hold myself up. I remember that moment vividly. Literally crying in class because I wasn’t as good as I was before. And that hurt so much. I came away from the class defeated. Ashamed. And was so hard on myself. But you know what? Today, that memory drives me. 

Over the past couple of years, I’ve really started to focus on my health. Eating better. Drinking less. Sleeping more. And working out. I’ve found a community of like-minded people at Rowbots (a rowing based gym in my neighborhood…and if you know me, you know I spend more time there in a week than anywhere else except my own home) and over the last several months, I’ve really tried to focus on building my strength and my endurance. I’m constantly seeing improvements in these areas and I love pushing myself in ways that I simply wasn’t able to before.

So what did I do to celebrate today? I went to a 90-minute endurance spin class and then followed it up with a workout at Rowbots. Why would I do this? Because that girl from 7 years ago wouldn’t have been able to do that. That memory of failing to hold down dog and being so sick that I couldn’t get out of bed drives me. When I’m doing some exercise and want to quit, I keep going because I remember so vividly when I couldn’t. Reflecting on those days reminds me just how far I’ve come and that girl from 7 years ago would be so damn proud.

I am proud. 

It would take me a dozen blog posts to catch you up on everything that’s happened over the past couple years so I’ll spare you all the reading but just know that today, on Day +2,557, I am thriving. 

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For those who have followed my journey over the years and are interested in an update on the health side of things…I got you. I continued my yearly visits to NIH until 2 years ago due to the pandemic and have been under the care of several doctors here in London since. I have bloodwork done every 6 months to make sure my blood counts are all within range (which they are!) and about 3 years ago I started hormone replacement therapy (HRT) since the chemo for the transplant put me into early menopause. It’s been an incredibly frustrating journey to get my hormone levels in check (trying all sorts of things like patches, gels, pills, and implants) but we’ve finally gotten there. I’m now on a couple different pills and a mixture of testosterone and estrogen hormone implants that I get every 6 months. You might also remember that I was diagnosed with melanoma shortly after the transplant and had surgery to remove a cancerous bit on my back and now see a dermatologist every 6 months to check for any changes. I’ve had several spots removed and fortunately, they’ve all been normal. About 2 years ago, I started to have recurring UTIs and am working with a few urogynecologists to help resolve them and get to the bottom of what’s causing them. Aside from that, I’m in tip-top shape.